you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
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Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
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I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Who died my cat blue again?
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