Four minutes until I can fart!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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