It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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