My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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