Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
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Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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