I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize