I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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