At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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