but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
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My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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