hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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