Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
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how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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