Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
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If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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