watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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