I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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