He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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