Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
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The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
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where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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