non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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