is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
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Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
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I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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