What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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