My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
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We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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