I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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