an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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