You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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