What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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