dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
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If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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