If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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