I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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