I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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