she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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