mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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