I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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