Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
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