I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I lost the right to judge tonight
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize