did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize