I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
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We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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