i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
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No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
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let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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