wrigley field is MILF paradise
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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