i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
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I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
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So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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