when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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