she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize