I wish I only lived at night.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize