In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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