I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
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You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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