Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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