Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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