do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
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if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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