woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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