I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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