My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
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I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
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I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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