Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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