so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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